Forgive Yourself
There are no saints in Judaism. There is no doctrine of infallibility because it is universal that we all err. Even a tzaddik, one of the truly righteous, makes mistakes.
The pious Rebbe Nachman once exclaimed, “A tzaddik can make a mistake. The mistake is a mistake. And the tzaddik is still a tzaddik!”
What is noteworthy about the tzaddik is that he recognizes and accepts his error. There is no denial. There are no excuses, no extenuating circumstances, no mitigating events. Only quiet acceptance.
In fact, a whole tractate of Talmud is devoted to rectifying mistakes. The errors listed in Horayot are whoppers. The inventory of mistakes found there is impressive. Kings, sages and even the most powerful assemblage of brilliant luminaries, the Great Sanhedrin, were prone to lapses of judgment.
What are the steps of rectifying a mistake?
We are not set adrift in an endless sea of guilt when we make a bad decision. In the Talmud, the court or kohen that made a mistake would have to bring an offering to the Temple to atone.
For us, this means acknowledging and accepting what we did wrong. Simply admitting we made a mistake is a critical first step. The next, and final, step is to make amends.
Rebbe Nachman informs, “If you have caused some damage, understand that it is because you have blemished knowledge (daat).”
Our knowledge (daat) is faulty. What is daat? Daat is knowledge of God. Errors are made when we step away from HaKadosh Barukh Hu. With the understanding and acceptance that we have ventured far from God, return becomes possible. Return is always possible.
In a moment we can change. We can return home in an instant. Just as the tzaddik does not lose his identity or become tired or worn by his mistakes we can absorb our faults and through them achieve wholeness.
"And you shall love your neighbor as yourself." Leviticus 19:18
We are commanded by God to love our neighbor, who may or may not live in our building or our block. We may recognize their face or they may be total stranger to us. In either event, they are our "neighbor". We must love them. But....
Before we love them - or perhaps as a prerequisite to loving them - we must first love ourselves. Forgiveness of the self is the first step to fulfilling this great mitzvah. Until we come to embrace ourselves we cannot possibly offer others the gift of love.