On Forgiveness
Rabbi Yisrael Salanter, the nineteenth century ethicist,
taught that Jews are expected to say special prayers of penitence before the
Days of Awe called Selichot. He wondered
what the good of all the prayers was when it was not accompanied by a contrite
heart? Rabbi Salanter compared this to
the idea of a man who tired and red-eyed from getting up so early berates his
family. He complains about the tea, the
breakfast, the noise level. Then at the
synagogue he continues to give people the brunt of his irritation, faulting
everybody for perceived slights. He even
complains about the service. So what is
the result of all his “piety?” What is
it really worth when he treats others so poorly?
The English poet, Alexander Pope, wrote,
“To err is human; to forgive, unusual.”
“The jailer is in prison as much as the prisoner is in jail.”
Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi
There are two distinct Hebrew words that describe the idea
of forgiveness:
Selicha: Selicha is akin to when a person comes to
court. She asks them to forgive her. The problem with this scenario is that she
has done nothing to hurt or offend the court.
Still, she asks for mercy despite the fact that she harmed someone
else. Selicha is when we ask forgiveness
from God but not from the aggrieved.
Mechila: Mechila is used only between people. This kind of forgiveness can only happen when
one person has a claim against another and the one who has done the offense
asks for forgiveness and healing.